the aforementioned really interesting person on twitter is, truly, very interesting, but has a tendency to, when she starts talking about something, go on. and on. not just about the one topic, but then onto a tangential thought, and another tangential thought… and i clocked her, to see if i was imagining it, and she’d spend 3, 4, 5 minutes talking non-stop.
for someone who has auditory processing disorder, which i do, this is torture. (though everyone else in the group didn’t seem to have a problem, seemed to be able to pay attention to her. which made me feel even more like a mutant.) somebody going on in a way that doesn’t allow me to catch up, process what’s been said, and instead it’s the continual barrage of spoken language against ear that feels all fight/flight… and i wind up squirming, fidgeting, take my attention off the person, try to breathe, just breathe, focus on something else, hope he/she stops. and then i don’t want to continue the conversation, cuz i know once the person starts talking again next, it’s going to start all over again.
dealing with this last night, i had no idea what to do, and i think it got to the point where she got confused that we should’ve been having a good conversation, but she’d start talking and i’d completely disappear, not even pay attention to what she was saying. which, according to her, probably came across to her as very rude. it was not my intention to be rude, but i had a darn hard time dealing. i really wish i were a normal person.
i just sent this email to her, making an attempt to explain and offer a context. because we have an opportunity to hang out again, and she really is an interesting person with many insights and tales to tell, and if i could get her to keep the talk byte-sized, to give my mind time to process, and me the ability to participate, in my fumbling way, it might go a heck of a lot better.
on limitations of brains and social protocols
i feel totally stupid sending this email, but it’s one of those things i tend to have to send to people sometimes. just to clear up something. i have a brain that has a damned hard time holding onto
anything more than 30 seconds of what anybody is talking about, with regards to conversation with peeps. anything more than 30 seconds, and brain completely stops, can’t retain anymore, or listen to the rest, cuz it needs time to process the little bit it just heard. and so, for instance, if i’m hanging out with somebody and they tend to be garrulous and expository, and tend to go on extended speech tours
about topics, mind, despite it wants to be polite, shuts down after the 30 second mark. well, not precisely 30 seconds, but about around there. the human this mind is housed in wishes this weren’t the case, and doesn’t want to appear as if she’s trying to be deliberately rude, but try as she might, the darned cantankerous methods of her difficult mind sometimes makes it seem as if the person to whom she’s supposed to be listening to is unimportant. which is not the case. it’s the brain.i’m hoping this makes some sort of sense.
Your posts are always so interesting. I love reading them.
I wholly agree with you, though my issue is less what you describe, and more the fact that I can’t make out about a quarter of what people say, and many of the people in my life (including my own mother, who is normally very supportive but can be somewhat clueless) just don’t get it. It’s frustrating to no end.